Best Places for a Meltdown

I am a huge people watcher. Sometimes I stare so much that my husband has to snap in front of my face and remind me that staring is rude, Allison. I get this trait from my mom, Claudymom, who is even worse about it than I am. She's going to grow up to be one of those old people that just spaces out and stares at you. I love those kind of old people.

My most favorite thing to watch EVER is kids having meltdowns. I was a nanny when I was in grad school and have tons of experience caring for kids. I love kids-- they are the funniest people I know and, when they meltdown or throw a tantrum, I want to be there.

This sounds sort of ridiculous, I know, but it's almost better than Bravo TV. When a kid throws back her head in pure despair, collapses to the ground and commences with an Oscar-worthy performance of emotion, there is nothing better. I love the commitment, the sheer devotion to their strong (soon to be forgotten) feelings. Their single-mindedness. I envy it! I wish I could have a public meltdown sometimes.

The icing on the cake for me is where the meltdown happens. I have picked my two absolute favorite  places for a meltdown and they're taken from my own experience as a nanny and avid people watcher.

The Grocery Store. This is obvious. I am convinced the candy section of the checkout aisle was created solely for the meltdown. Why else would supermarkets everywhere put candy where they know kids will see it just as they are about to finish running errands with their parents which, let's face it, no kids like to do. When I see a kid's unbridled passion for the forbidden fruit (aka a Twix bar), I am living vicariously through him. I totally want the Twix bar I just don't have the balls to show my true feelings. I feel like throwing my head back, screaming at my hips and thighs, WHY WHY? Why can't I have a Twix bar?!

The Beach. This one is by far my favorite. First of all, the trip to the beach is classic in that the parent might as well being taking their kid to Everest, leading the way as a sherpa. You have your sand toys, your towels, your sunscreen, your cooler, not to mention the sherpa's personal items. You lug all this to the beach, slather obscene amounts of sunscreen on your child while they proceed to get sand in every crevice possible. Later in the day, when it's time to leave, begins the meltdown. Amazingness. There is nothing better than a sunscreen-slathered, sandblasted child screaming that they don't want to leave the beach. One of my most memorable moments from being a nanny is a fateful trip to the beach that ended with two adorable girls screaming as they followed me, their sherpa, to the car after a day at the beach. I loved it. Good for them for rejecting our leaving time. It's not fair that we had to leave and good for them for speaking up. Just don't tell their mother I said so.

Really, the point is that a good meltdown can happen anywhere. In San Francisco, we live on a very steep hill (of course- it's San Francisco) and I saw a 4 year-old just the other day stop halfway down the hill and pronounce: I'm not going ANY further. This hill is TOO steep! She proceeded to sit down right then and there, in the middle of the sidewalk and was true to her word. It was amazing. I tried to fist pump the dad for having such a hilarious daughter but he was a little awkward about it. He might have been more of a "high fiver" or a "thumbs upper."  I just appreciate this stuff. Kids are hilarious. They're stubborn. They're filled with fire. We could learn a lot from them.

Parents, you are my heroes.