AT&T: Why Do I Keep Coming Back for More?!

Oh, AT&T. You are simultaneously the bane of my existence and the source of my sweet nectar of life. That nectar of life is, of course, my iPhone (which I affectionately call "Jessica." Don't ask why because frankly, I don't know). I live in San Francisco, a technology capital, no doubt, and never seem to have cell phone service. Apparently Sutro Tower, the large tower I can see from my window that looks like the Eye of Sauron, is not strong enough to carry my 3G.

Jessica and I have been together since Christmas. My dear husband brought her to me on that momentous holiday (yet another reason why Christmas is awesome). I have doted on her while she has consistently surprised me with her endless supply of games (Scramble rules!) while at the same time supporting my banking needs. It has been nearly perfect. Nearly.

The glow of our mutual affection (yes, an iPhone can love you back-- especially when you record Voice Memos that say "I love you" and play them on repeat) has been tainted. Tainted by the involvement of AT&T. It's like a sadistic love triangle that won't seem to fizzle out (even though rumors of Verizon carrying the iPhone persist). AT&T is the awkward member of said triangle, in that no one really likes him but he manages to sneak his way in because both Jessica and I are disgustingly codependent entities. It's sad, really.

In other metaphors, AT&T is like the abusive boyfriend I keep going back to. Even though he promises to fix things over and over again (even issuing me account credits over and over again) I JUST CAN'T STOP GOING BACK TO HIM! I keep waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and rescue me. Ahem, Verizon? When are you going to man-up?

Now, I want to share some of my coping mechanisms with you. These help me get through each day.
1. Call AT&T often. Complain. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. I have not paid a full bill since March.
2. Butter up the service reps because they will tell you HILARIOUS things. For instance, Veronica at AT&T, uses Verizon. She told me this in a moment of weakness.
3. Make them laugh at your dilemma-- it shows you aren't taking it all too seriously even if you are dying inside. For example, I told Edward that "I feel like it's 1991 and I have a car phone and I keep going through tunnels." If he seems really into it, throw in a movie reference like Howard Weinstein (Franc's assistant) in Father of the Bride.
4. Never give up hope. I never stop believing that Jessica (or some newer, cooler model of her) and I will live happily ever after.

Good luck, people.