How to Keep Your Sanity Through the Holidays

I'm obsessed with Christmas. LOVE IT.

• I hijack our Netflix queue during the month of December and we watch only Christmas movies. 
• I know EXACTLY what my girls are wearing for every Christmas-themed activity (and yes, it's adorable). 
• We have the new Amazon Echo (highly recommend) and she absolutely knows to play "holiday music" during this time or else she gets a stern, "Alexa STOP!" even from my daughter (when my daughter isn't yelling "Alexa play Frozen" at her).
• I know all the words (multiple verses) to every Christmas carol. Thank you, high school ensemble! This baffles my husband who can't even remember the lyrics to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". Nope, not kidding. 
• As I've stated before, I redecorate my tree on a regular basis. 

There are countless other ways in which my obsession for Christmas comes through but I have to preserve some mystery here (and keep you from judging me for the crazy Christmas elf that I am).

Yet, as much as I LOVE Christmas, there are aspects of it that are really hard. 

  The surplus of unhealthy food.

    The endless travel.

      The crazy hubbub of family and friends.

        The heartache of missing loved ones far and lost.

Just to name a few. So while I would never want to just "get through" the holidays, I do think it's important to arm ourselves with a few tricks to make this time of year the most enjoyable and as light on stress as possible. 

Here are a few tricks I use to make the holidays successful:

1. When I can, I eat clean. That means avoiding processed food and sugar (that isn't from fruit or good sources like honey or real syrup). Yeah this is SOOOO easy, right? I try to stick with the 90/10 rule (which sometimes turns into the 80/20 rule). Eat clean and wonderfully 90% of the time and go bananas for the other 10%. If you allow yourself that 10%, you'll be more discerning about how you use that portion. Christmas cookie? Oh yeah. Grandma's sketchy holiday eggnog? Um, I'll pass...
2. MOVE. As in, take a break from your A Christmas Story marathon and do something. Anything. Walk around the block. Shake your booty to Mariah Carey's Christmas album. Pretend you're Rudolph and pull every kid present (which may or may not include your emotionally stunted cousin, Victor) around in a "sleigh". 
3. Get outside. We head to San Diego every other Christmas so this part is a piece of cake for me. Go outside in Sunny CA when back home it's frigid and dark? SURE. But seriously, put on your parka and smell some fresh air. Whether you're dealing with jet lag or depression, the sun's rays and a little fresh air can work wonders for the bod.
4. Take time for yourself. So key, especially when you are not in your comfort zone (A.K.A. at your in-laws). Go take a yoga class or check out that boutique downtown. Go to Starbucks and "get lost" for an hour. I am always the very first to volunteer for a grocery store run just so I can ride solo.
5. Talk to your people. This is one of those "do as I say, not as I do" ones. I can totally suck at this (as Mr. Fix It, my husband). Make sure you take time to connect with your people (or person) over the holidays. It is beyond easy to isolate yourself and miss opportunities to bond with the people who really matter to you. In my opinion, this all happens much better over a glass (um, bottle?) of wine. I make it a policy to drink frequently over the holidays. 
6. Celebrate and remember. Who are you missing this year? We lost my grandfather (my Bubba) earlier this year and this is our first Christmas in San Diego without him. I plan on telling as many stories about him as I can remember, imitating his guffaw with frequency and, best of all, doing this all with other people who were loved by him and loved him. 
7. Give.  Maybe money, maybe time, maybe hugs. Just be open to giving and look for opportunities to be generous. There is nothing like the spirit of generosity to chase away the Scrooge in all of us. And to disarm even the judgy-est of relatives. 

I hope this list (lists are my FAVORITE) is helpful to you. Trust me when I say that, when I don't do these things, there is drama. When I do, there is none. 

HAHAHAH just kidding there is always drama! Ain't nobody escaping Christmas without it BUT, you will be able to face the drama better so that, rather than be a participant, you can--at the very least--be a bystander who silently judges. 

Merry Christmas!!!

    

Guilt Can Suck It

As someone who grew up Catholic, I have an intimate relationship with guilt. Catholic guilt is no joke. Right before my First Communion, I was sent to the principal's office for doing cartwheels in the classroom. As a card-carrying goody two-shoes, this was a serious transgression. I sat down with the priest who would be celebrating my First Communion and told him all about it. Even though he said God forgave me (and may have let out a chuckle), I still felt TERRIBLE. I was disappointed in my pint-size self and it was hard to move on.

Now that I am a mom, Catholic guilt seems like the minor leagues. No, seriously. I could do cartwheels all over this effing town and not feel one ounce of guilt compared to the guilt I feel when I forget to read to my children one day. Or look at my phone too much. Or not rush to get them the second they wake up from a nap. Or don't do things like this or this. Or the wind is blowing too hard and my toddler just cannot handle it (she can be KIND OF a delicate flower).

This is REALLY how I should feel! Except sometimes I forget to shower. 

While Catholic guilt is no joke, Mom guilt is not effing around. Mom guilt gets home and is like, "Catholic guilt, why can't you pick up the phone and call me once in a while?" Yeah, she's kind of a bitch.

I have been realizing so many things about guilt lately, most importantly that it SUCKS. No, it literally sucks. As in, it sucks the life out of us. The wind out of our sails, the air out of our tires and any other air-depleting analogy that works here. Guilt is the WORST.

I'll tell you why:

• it renders us immobile.
• it makes us feel horrible and ineffective.
• it's unhelpful to everyone. 

Guilt stops us from achieving our goals, becoming who we want to be and changing what needs to be changed in and around ourselves. Rather than reacting to a situation with "how can I do better?", we react with "I am the worst." How can that possibly lead down a good road?

I'm trying to choose another path and I would be remiss if I didn't mention the immortal words of Taylor Swift, "Shake it Off." Lady makes a good point.

On a personal note, I have been on this journey to reclaim my body since having two kids. I've lost a bunch of weight and feel like a million bucks. You can read about the program here if you want but, my point is, I have setbacks. Yesterday, for example, I ate like 4 (ok, 7) chocolate covered peppermint Joe Joe's from Trader Joe's. Serving size is 1 (ONE?) so I was apparently eating as proxy for my entire block. While I could berate myself for my lack of willpower, self-control and general strength in the face of only-available-for-a-limited-time chocolate amazingness, I'm choosing to move forward. To PROCEED. I got up this morning, did my workout, had my smoothie and moved on. There was work to be done, children to love and choices to make.

There is so much to feel guilty about. SO MUCH. We often fall short of the person we want to be, the person we are meant to be. We often fail to love our friends, ignore our neighbors in need and welcome the stranger. I know I do. It's so easy to sit in the miry pit of guilt.

But what's exactly in that miry pit? A bunch of "I shoulds". I should work out. I should eat healthier food. I should spend more quality time with my kids. I should go to church. I should volunteer. I should stop being an asshole.

Just do yourself a favor and stop should-ing all over yourself and get to work instead.

I am desperately trying to make a habit of moving forward rather than staying still or staying stuck). So I'm getting up, shaking it off, making my plan and moving on.

And if I rock a cartwheel while I'm at it, so be it. I can still do a damn good one.

Starting Small

It's my favorite time of year- Christmastime!

My heart teeters between being so remarkably light and so extremely heavy during this time. For one, I have all I ever need or want. Health, a warm home and an amazing family. And lots of chocolate. Seriously, there is so much chocolate around here I'm in heaven.

#pantsoptional

One moment of giddiness came when my oldest, Charlotte (2 years 9 months) moved a chair to the front of our Christmas tree. She climbed on it and started rearranging ornaments saying, "Mama, I'm just fixing stuff." This is so amazing because what she doesn't know is that, long before she was born, I would rearrange the tree so that ornaments were placed in their most optimal locations. It's genetic- my mom does it, too. My husband really loves this about me. #sike

But my heart also aches and has moments of complete despair. From refugees carrying their babies across borders to the immediate needs of my community, life just isn't the way it ought to be for so many. And that's putting it lightly. Our world appears to be falling apart at the seams. Is this how every generation feels at one point or another or are things really this bad?

I'm left with this sense of being stuck. What do I do? How do I proceed from these moments? Where do I even begin to express the gratitude I feel and also the despair? I'm dying for action but I just can't even move sometimes.

But then I think about my daughter moving a chair to the tree. She's too small to get to the ornaments she really wants. She climbs her sweet little body up the chair, stands on her tippy toes and fixes stuff. It's nothing big, sometimes just a candy cane she hasn't yet examined or a star she wants to twirl around. It's important work to her. Toddler work.

She moves the chair, she climbs and she does her task.

In these moments that I have, both of delight and despair, I must choose to act. Following Charlotte's example of starting small (for she is small), I have to proceed.

So here's a little of what I'm doing - won't you join me?

Mine is from Pottery Barn

• Advent Calendar: I received this amazing calendar from my sister-in-law last year. It has pockets and in them, I've placed notes with tasks for the day. They range from making garland to visiting our elderly neighbors to taking a winter walk. I want to be intentional this season about how I'm spending time with my beloveds in addition to teaching my littles how to be generous out of the abundance we have.

• Carry the Future: Hopefully, you've heard of this organization doing wonderful and practical work for Syrian refugees in Europe, specifically Greece. Started by a Californian mother, this organization outfits Syrian parents with baby carriers to keep their wee ones close. In addition to this practical and thoughtful endeavor, they've also expanded in providing relief packs to refugees. 

• Building a Habit of Kindness: The theme of "building new habits" has dug in and stayed in my heart these last few months. We can build ALL SORTS of habits. We can stop biting our nails, floss (for once!), work out more, eat better. Why can't we build a habit of kindness? Start small. Maybe a kind word to a friend (why don't we tell our friends how much we root for them?). Or a meal for a family in chaos. It doesn't cost us much to be kind and the more we are kind, the more it becomes WHO WE ARE. Think of the Grinch: grow your heart three sizes. That grumpy little sucker carved the roast beast at the end, people. 

I hope and pray you have a wonderful Christmas season! May we greet each day and each person with open hearts. May we operate out of abundance rather than scarcity. May we be so brave as to open our hearts to those around us so that we might bear some of their pain and joy.