Empathy Hurts

I spent some time this week playing around with my yoga practice in the studio at which I now teach, 3 Bridges Yoga in Portsmouth, NH. It's a warm and friendly studio with 2 wonderful owners, Jody & Bjorn Turnquist, and I am thrilled to be there. Although I demonstrate certain poses during class, I don't actually do the postures alongside students in my class so that I can adjust them both verbally and physically. Since I'm not practicing with them, I want to be super careful that I don't lose touch with what they might be feeling in certain poses and sequences -- which is why I went to 3 Bridges earlier this week to work on poses and sequences through which I lead a class.

One of the poses I practiced was Baddha Sirsasana (the headstand I'm doing above). In any inversions like this, there is always a fear of falling (at least for me there is!). I have this scene in my head where I fall over, scream from fear and pain, and create a domino effect throughout a class of yogis standing on their heads. I would be just the girl to cause such a yogastrophe, I know it. I imagine my students feel this fear as well in this pose (perhaps without the detailed visualization...). Worried falling might hurt or make a scene causes people to hold back and refrain from trying some inversions. While this fear is totally justified and should hold some people back who would be unsteady and unsafe, I find this lack of confidence stops many, who are prepared, from progressing forward in their practice.

So, I'm in this pose, imagining limbs flying, yogis falling, Lululemon logos going everywhere, and I think, why don't I just let myself fall out of it so I can know how it feels? I'll just get it over with-- it can't be that bad. I have this optimistic image of myself rolling gracefully into a somersault, planting my feet and rising to standing with my hands in the air, yelling, Ta-Da! I just know it's going to be totally awesome and not hurt a bit.

So I fall...
                 not-so-gracefully.

There is definite tuck and rolling action, but there is no grace and certainly no Ta-Da!
Oh. And it hurts like a mother f-----. Perhaps there is a graceful way to fall but I didn't just do it. I did the opposite of it. Ouch.

My dreams of becoming a gymnast shattered, I peel myself off the ground and commence the pity party. I was only trying to put myself in my students' shoes so that I could teach out of an authentic place, look where it got me? A pounding headache and some awful tasting humble pie. Empathy hurts. Also, I'm rethinking my thought process and realizing maybe that Mensa membership card isn't going to arrive, after all.

I think about another person I know who also went overboard with empathy. My friend Rita's husband was with their kids while she was at a work function. Halfway through the function, her phone rings and it's him.  
    Johnny ate one of the berries off our bush outside. I'm sure it's poisonous and I'm freaking out!
Johnny is barely a toddler at this point.
    Well, Rita asks, How is he?! Is he OK?!
    He seems OK right now but, just to be sure, I ate some berries, too.
    WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! Rita shouts into the phone.
    I wanted to know what he was feeling!
 Thankfully Johnny, and his dad, were both fine.

I realize Rita's husband and I understand the importance of empathy but maybe lack intelligence when applying it. Empathy is central to any successful relationship because it's the skill that allows us to cross the bridges between one another. It's most certainly a skill, since, it's something you have to practice in order to perfect.
 
I, for one, am still practicing. And I have the headache to prove it.

Rabbis, Preachers & Yoga Teachers

It's a beautiful Sunday morning in San Diego and I make my way to my favorite studio to practice at while I'm in town: CorePower Yoga in Hillcrest. I'm in town for my cousin's wedding and, though I'm there only a few days, I have to squeeze in some yoga. The instructor is new to me (unsurprising as I don't live in San Diego) and he brings a whole lot of energy to the practice. His sequences are interesting, challenging and fun but what sticks with me most of all is manner of teaching. Let me be more specific: he is a cross between Richard Simmons, Jesse Jackson and some hippie guy who would be named something like "Tree Frog" or "Belt Loop." I like the guy but am taken aback by the one-liners he inserts throughout the asanas (our physical postures). From "You only have one life to live, make it beautiful" to "Forgive someone today," I'm not sure if I'm on my yoga mat or in a pew somewhere. His words are valuable, and even seem authentic, but their frequency throws me off a little as every asana seems to bring a nugget of inspiration (read: cliché). Yet, I look around, and seem to be the only one not buying into the message.

Now, I realize some of this is my problem. I can be cynical, judgmental and downright snobby when it comes to anything involving the "touchy feely" or "warm fuzzy." When visiting a studio I love in Philadelphia the other week, an instructor put "Beautiful" on by Christina Aguilera during a hip stretch and I just about went into barf-asana, a truly graceful pose where I vomit my breakfast onto the nearest yogi. I just couldn't take it! There was something that felt contrived to me that I couldn't get past. Perhaps it was because I didn't really know where this instructor was coming from because I wasn't familiar with her. Or maybe I just really hate that song. Obviously, the instructor wanted to take me somewhere (emotionally? spiritually?) by putting on this song and I just didn't want to go. Yet again, the cheese stands alone because people around me seemed to be loving it.

The point is, people seem to be open to receiving something more than just a workout when they show up at yoga. But what is that "something" they want to receive? Life lessons? Inspirational messages through a variety of cheesy songs? Is it up to the instructor to provide that? Are yoga studios the new synagogues and churches? After all, hoards of people spend their Sabbaths on their mats. Does that make yoga teachers the new rabbis and preachers?

The masses gather . . . but not for mass, for yoga!

I recently started teaching yoga and, while I'm totally obsessed with it, this notion that yoga teachers might fit into the category with rabbis and preachers freaks me out. I feel equipped to guide students through their practice, making helpful suggestions when necessary, but I am no guru. I am no preacher and I am no rabbi. I am no authority on life and on their lives, in particular.

When it comes to teaching yoga, I tend to agree with Socrates' understanding of learning. Learning is a "remembering" or "recollecting" of knowledge we have lost along the way. If this is true, than the teacher is there to aid in that recollection rather than hand down or give knowledge. I am necessary as an instructor insofar as I can help my students get back what they already know and may have forgotten. This understanding gets me off the hook (phew!) and places more responsibility on the students themselves. We invite our students to remember, to learn, but we don't pass out the knowledge because it never was ours to begin with- it was theirs.  

I know that I lose touch with a lot on a regular basis that my yoga practice helps me put back together or, re-member. It helps me to breathe, find stillness and connect with myself and I am grateful for my teachers who help me in that and forgo the emotional ballads (although I'm sure music montages are helpful for some-- more power to 'em).

As far as rabbis and preachers go, maybe they could take a page out of a Socrates' book? Just sayin'...