The Stepford Dogs of Cole Valley

I live in a neighborhood of San Francisco called Cole Valley. It is a great neighborhood complete with coffee shops, a local hardware store, a few good restaurants and even some great bars. My husband and I moved into our apartment here over three years ago. At that time renting in San Francisco was like a competitive sport and we just completely lucked out with this place.

One of the most amazing things about our neighborhood, in my opinion, is the dogs! There are so many dogs in a one mile radius you would think the streets would be lined with poo (I sang that to the tune of "There are no Cats in America" from An American Tale). 

Of course they aren't lined with poo. This is the land of well-behaved canines. Man's best friend? More like Man's best behaved friend. Seriously, it's ridiculous. Unleashed dogs roam the streets . . . five feet in front of their owners and stop at crosswalks. There is hardly any barking, unless it's the "Jimmy's stuck in a well" kind and we don't get much of that here. There aren't any wells around.

Here are a few photos of some well-behaved pooches from Cole Valley.

 Anonymous, waiting patiently for owner outside Cole Hardware.

 Pixie, on her way to the park to play Frisbee.

Chloe, minutes before pooping in an appropriate place.

There is one dog in Cole Valley that just kills me. His name is Theo, he is 10 1/2 and is perfect. He is never leashed and will just wait patiently outside of stores for his owner to come out. He is the Holy Grail of dogs.

Theo. The dog, the myth, the legend.

I should be happy for these owners. I should sing their praises about how Cesar Milan could learn so much from them. I should, but I can't. I can't get over my jealousy.

See, I have never had a well behaved pet. Our family dogs were always ornery and the one my parents still have is a champion barker (not to mention her serious need for jaw reconstruction surgery . . . can anyone say "underbite?"). And don't even get my started on my cat. I think she is possessed. I'm not kidding. She's staring at me right now and it's freaking me out.

Don't be lured in . . . she uses her powers for evil.

I love dogs and can't wait to get one of our own. But I have so many hopes and dreams about them being somewhat well-behaved. Will our dog have intimacy issues like our cat? Will our dog channel the devil like her, too? These are the things that keep me up at night.