So, a list of the top ten "movies that traumatized me" (clearly I watched Letterman last night) . . .
10. Marley and Me
Thanks but, I prefer my pets to live forever and not die a slow death that is magnified by the presence of small children mourning.
9. Gone Baby Gone
Ben Affleck as the director should have been my first clue. I refuse to say more because of my PTSD.
8. The Changeling
Clint Eastwood loves to f$&# with me. That and the fact that I am still not over Brad leaving Jen for this movie's leading lady made for two hours of my life that I want back.
7. Sex and the City 2
Yes, of course I was just happy to see all the girls together again but WTF, Michael Patrick King? Why did they have to go to Abu Dhabi? Everyone knows you can't get a Cosmo in the UAE. It's illegal!
6. Million Dollar Baby
Damn you, Clint Eastwood!
5. Down to You
Hopefully you haven't heard if this movie starring Julia Stiles and Freddie Prinze, Jr. All I can say is that I paid good money to see this chick flick and I am still waiting for a refund. Sex after eating tons of cake is just totally gross. I really don't even remember anything else about it.
4. Twilight
Yes, I read the books. In like 3 days. Stop judging. I don't know what I was scarred by more: Kristen Stewart trying to act or Robert Pattinson being SO hot yet unable to act. It's a question for the ages. . .
3. The Lion King
I have been waiting to get this off my chest since sixth grade. Simba, I am just so sorry you lost your father. Scar sucks.
2. The Birds
I really have no idea why I ever watched this movie but I know it's why birds terrify me. That, and Fabio.
1. Arachnaphobia
Watched this at my friend Jennifer's house in 4th grade. Clearly her parents did not employ the same parenting techniques mine did and I have years of fear for which to thank them.
Now, I am not telling you to not watch these movies but, if you have any sense, you won't. If you do, may God have mercy on your soul. Namaste.
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Location:Logan Aiport
Got to agree with you on number one... I had teeth marks on my shoulder from when I watched this with my wife and she bit me when she screamed into my shoulder...
ReplyDeleteAlthough, my most traumatic movie was "Big Bad Mama" when Angie Dickinson demonstrated that women had breasts that weren't attached to African tribeswomen or just for feeding kids. Yikes. ;)