Guilt Can Suck It

As someone who grew up Catholic, I have an intimate relationship with guilt. Catholic guilt is no joke. Right before my First Communion, I was sent to the principal's office for doing cartwheels in the classroom. As a card-carrying goody two-shoes, this was a serious transgression. I sat down with the priest who would be celebrating my First Communion and told him all about it. Even though he said God forgave me (and may have let out a chuckle), I still felt TERRIBLE. I was disappointed in my pint-size self and it was hard to move on.

Now that I am a mom, Catholic guilt seems like the minor leagues. No, seriously. I could do cartwheels all over this effing town and not feel one ounce of guilt compared to the guilt I feel when I forget to read to my children one day. Or look at my phone too much. Or not rush to get them the second they wake up from a nap. Or don't do things like this or this. Or the wind is blowing too hard and my toddler just cannot handle it (she can be KIND OF a delicate flower).

This is REALLY how I should feel! Except sometimes I forget to shower. 

While Catholic guilt is no joke, Mom guilt is not effing around. Mom guilt gets home and is like, "Catholic guilt, why can't you pick up the phone and call me once in a while?" Yeah, she's kind of a bitch.

I have been realizing so many things about guilt lately, most importantly that it SUCKS. No, it literally sucks. As in, it sucks the life out of us. The wind out of our sails, the air out of our tires and any other air-depleting analogy that works here. Guilt is the WORST.

I'll tell you why:

• it renders us immobile.
• it makes us feel horrible and ineffective.
• it's unhelpful to everyone. 

Guilt stops us from achieving our goals, becoming who we want to be and changing what needs to be changed in and around ourselves. Rather than reacting to a situation with "how can I do better?", we react with "I am the worst." How can that possibly lead down a good road?

I'm trying to choose another path and I would be remiss if I didn't mention the immortal words of Taylor Swift, "Shake it Off." Lady makes a good point.

On a personal note, I have been on this journey to reclaim my body since having two kids. I've lost a bunch of weight and feel like a million bucks. You can read about the program here if you want but, my point is, I have setbacks. Yesterday, for example, I ate like 4 (ok, 7) chocolate covered peppermint Joe Joe's from Trader Joe's. Serving size is 1 (ONE?) so I was apparently eating as proxy for my entire block. While I could berate myself for my lack of willpower, self-control and general strength in the face of only-available-for-a-limited-time chocolate amazingness, I'm choosing to move forward. To PROCEED. I got up this morning, did my workout, had my smoothie and moved on. There was work to be done, children to love and choices to make.

There is so much to feel guilty about. SO MUCH. We often fall short of the person we want to be, the person we are meant to be. We often fail to love our friends, ignore our neighbors in need and welcome the stranger. I know I do. It's so easy to sit in the miry pit of guilt.

But what's exactly in that miry pit? A bunch of "I shoulds". I should work out. I should eat healthier food. I should spend more quality time with my kids. I should go to church. I should volunteer. I should stop being an asshole.

Just do yourself a favor and stop should-ing all over yourself and get to work instead.

I am desperately trying to make a habit of moving forward rather than staying still or staying stuck). So I'm getting up, shaking it off, making my plan and moving on.

And if I rock a cartwheel while I'm at it, so be it. I can still do a damn good one.